When One Partner is Hesitant About Therapy: How to Approach the Conversation with Care
One of the most common challenges I hear from couples is this: “I want to go to therapy, but my partner is defensive or unsure about it.” If that’s your experience, you’re not alone—and you’re not wrong for wanting more support.
Therapy can be a vulnerable topic. For many people, suggesting it can feel like saying, “something is wrong with us.”And for the person on the receiving end, it can feel like criticism or pressure. But therapy is not about blaming—it’s about building. It's about creating new ways to understand, support, and communicate with one another. How we talk to our partner about going matters.
Let me offer a way to frame this conversation, using the following example:
“Lately, I’ve been feeling like we’re not really hearing each other—and it’s starting to wear on me. We keep having the same arguments or misunderstandings, and afterwards, I’m left feeling disconnected or hurt. I don’t think it’s just about the specific fights; I think we’re struggling to really understand what the other person needs. And it reminds me of my parents—they never talked things through. They just let resentment build up over the years, and it created so much distance between them. I don’t want that for us. I love you, and I care about this relationship enough to want us to find a better way to communicate—one that actually works for both of us. That’s what therapy is for. It’s not about blaming or digging up everything that’s wrong—it’s about learning new tools and getting some support so we’re not stuck in these same cycles forever. So, I’m going to make an appointment. I’d really like us to go together.”
Notice what this example does not do: it doesn’t blame, shame, or try to control. It speaks from the heart. It connects therapy to a positive vision for the relationship—not as a punishment or last resort, but as a gift you give your future selves.
Here are a few tips if you’re preparing to have this conversation with your partner:
1. Speak from "I", not "You"
Use language that expresses your feelings and desires. "I want us to grow closer," or "I feel stuck and need help figuring out how to move forward together." Avoid “You don’t listen,” or “You need to change.” When we tell people how they think and feel their instinct is to defend themselves.
2. Connect it to love, not frustration
Share your deeper intention: that you want a strong, connected, and lasting relationship. Therapy is a tool, not a verdict.
3. Expect discomfort—and stay grounded
It’s okay if your partner is hesitant. They may need time, reassurance, or just to feel understood. Stay calm and curious.
4. Offer to take the first step
Saying, “I’m going to make an appointment,” shows initiative without forcing. It lets your partner know that you’re committed—and that they’re invited, not obligated.
5. Let it be a conversation, not a confrontation
You don’t have to convince them in one talk. Think of this as an open door, not a closed demand.
Therapy isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about tending to the space between you. Your relationship is a garden you’ve co-created. Sometimes, that means gently pulling out old weeds and planting something new—something that you both want to be a part of. If you’re ready to explore this path together, start with empathy, and let connection lead the way.
If you or your partner have more questions about what couples therapy looks like, I’m always here to help. Sometimes the first step is just understanding what’s possible when you take it together. Just reach out; my office is located in Coolum on the Sunshine Coast or if you're not in the area we can organise online appointments.