"Hi, Jelly!" — Helping Kids Name and Navigate Sibling Jealousy
By KJ Bennett Therapist for Parents
One of the most intriguing—and let’s be honest, frustrating—parts of parenting is managing sibling dynamics. If you’ve ever found yourself snuggling one child only to catch the laser-focused glare of the other across the room, you know exactly what I mean.
That moment, when one sibling sees you giving attention to the other, can activate something deep: the part of them that wonders, “Am I being replaced? Does my grown-ups still love me if they're hugging someone else?”
It’s easy to label this as “jealousy” and try to shut it down. But what I’ve come to understand—both as a therapist and as a parent—is that jealousy isn’t bad. It’s actually protective. It’s the part of our children (and us!) that says, “My Mum is really important to me—am I about to lose her or her love? I need connection too.”
In our house, we’ve even named our jealous parts. One of my little ones has named their jealous part “Jelly.” Mine? I call her “Jellyosa.”
Here’s what this looks like in real life:
Let’s say I’m hugging one of my kids. The other one walks into the room and instantly locks eyes with me—their expression clearly says “I’m not okay with this.”
Instead of getting annoyed or brushing them off, I might say:
“Oof… that looks like disconnection. Should we give Jelly a ring?”
And I’ll grab that child’s foot, still hugging their sibling, and pretend to make a phone call:
📞 “Hello? Is this Jelly? Oh hi Jelly, how’s it going? Oh, you saw me hugging your sister and thought that meant I loved her more than you? That makes so much sense. But guess what? There’s not a hug in the whole wide world I could give anyone else that would ever touch our love.”
Then I’ll add:
“When I’m done hugging your sister, do you want to read a book together? That would be amazing. Love you. See you soon. Bye!”
Once I finish the hug, I go to the other child and follow through. Because the message I want to send is clear:
This isn’t about love being taken away.
It’s about connection.
Why this matters
This silly little “phone call to Jelly” is more than a game—it’s co-regulation. It helps my child:
Name their feeling without shame
Understand that love isn’t a limited resource
Learn how to ask for what they need instead of acting out
Over time, instead of yelling “You don’t love me!” or pushing their sibling out of the way, my hope is they’ll say something like:
“I’m feeling disconnected. Can I have a turn next?”
That’s emotional intelligence in action.
What I want parents to know:
Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal.
It tells us where the longing lives.
And when we meet it with curiosity—not correction—we help our kids grow into people who know how to recognize their needs and ask for connection in healthy ways.
So next time Jelly shows up in your house, give them a call. You might be surprised how quickly the storm softens.
Want to see this in action? Watch the Reel demonstration over on my Instagram.
Looking for more tools to handle sibling rivalry with connection instead of correction? Let’s work together—[book a session here]. My office is located in Coolum Beach on the Sunshine Coast or I can do online appointments from anywhere.